When we married, Shane and I always knew we'd have children. He said he thought 5 years after we married would be ideal - time to settle down, get finances together, that type of thing. I secretly wouldn't have minded a little bit earlier, but I also knew he was correct and sensible in his logic. As it happened, my various health concerns, followed by our relocation overseas, would have made it unpractical in any case.
When we finally did fall pregnant, it was after several years of work to resolve my health problems. At which point we decided to just see what would happen. We weren't in any rush, but didn't want to tempt fate by waiting too long. Just to be on the safe side, after a few months we consulted a fertility specialist just to get things underway. He ran some tests and SURPRISE - I was already pregnant! That baby wasn't Eli, that baby was Jaxon who passed away from foetal heart failure at 15 weeks gestation. We were so sad, but in a way that experience meant we knew for sure how much we wanted a baby. We were ready.
When I found out I was pregnant with Eli I was a basket case. I took a pregnancy test which was positive, but didn't tell Shane. I told him there was a "chance" I might be pregnant, but I didn't want to jinx anything. This song and dance continued for days until he finally insisted on me taking a test. What followed was a crazy period of uncertainty - I was adamant that we shouldn't get our hopes up, it might not last. On the other hand, I'd then get irrationally upset with Shane for not acting happy, when he was simply mirroring my own reaction.
But Eli did last. One scan. Two scans. Every medical appointment where I'd hear his tiny heartbeat I was filled with joy. That would last a week, after which I would start to despair again - was everything ok in there? How could I be sure?
Third scan at 20 weeks. "There's his little penis" said the ultrasound technician. We looked at each other and smiled.
On the way home Shane commented "Well that's good news!"
"What's good news?" I said innocently, knowing full well what he meant.
"It's a boy!" he said.
"And why is that such good news?"
"Because I couldn't handle two Natalie's!"
Of course, after a few weeks we started to question the results of that scan, and weren't confident until our fourth scan that the technician was correct.
Finally in the later stages I became more excited. This was real. This baby was really coming. Our lives would never be the same.
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