Sunday, February 3, 2013
Day Zero 30/01/13
They handed me this grey, squirmy, slimy baby. "Oh my God! It's a baby!" I exclaimed. At least, I think that's what I said - Shane isn't certain, although he agrees I certainly said something. He lay on my chest, wriggling around. I smiled. DH ran around with the camera taking photos of me holding Eli. He was so happy.
The First Night 30/01/13
As per maternity ward policy, DH was required to leave at 8pm. He kissed Eli and I goodbye, and left me lying in bed nursing Eli.
I started to feel the tiredness hit me. What a day.
I woke with a start as Eli slid out of my arms onto the edge of the bed. I immediately scooped him back into my arms, horrified at what had happened. How could I have let myself sleep?? Another few inches he might have been off the bed. I held him close for a moment. He was calm and happy, dozing in my arms. I climbed carefully out of bed and put him in his bassinet.
I turned to climb into bed and was aware of a sharp pain in my left hand. I looked down and to my surprise saw my hand and fingers dripping with blood. In my panic I'd knocked the IV tube out of my hand. It was gushing.
I hesitated for a moment before determining that this was an excellent reason to press my call button! Unfortunately they were less than responsive. I tried again awhile later, and even tried looking out the door to see if I could find a nurse. Eventually Jane showed up - it was past her shift finish time, but the night staff were evidently off doing goodness knows what. I said "Busy night?" and she replied "Nope!" with a glance down the corridor that told me all I needed to know about what the other staff were (or weren't) doing.
The blood was gushing so badly she had to summon another nurse to help. They got me patched up though and all was well.
I climbed into bed and lay facing my baby. He stared at me. I stared back at him. Eventually I realised I should sleep while I could, so I closed my eyes. Then I opened them again - yep, he was still there. Ok. I went to sleep.
I started to feel the tiredness hit me. What a day.
I woke with a start as Eli slid out of my arms onto the edge of the bed. I immediately scooped him back into my arms, horrified at what had happened. How could I have let myself sleep?? Another few inches he might have been off the bed. I held him close for a moment. He was calm and happy, dozing in my arms. I climbed carefully out of bed and put him in his bassinet.
I turned to climb into bed and was aware of a sharp pain in my left hand. I looked down and to my surprise saw my hand and fingers dripping with blood. In my panic I'd knocked the IV tube out of my hand. It was gushing.
I hesitated for a moment before determining that this was an excellent reason to press my call button! Unfortunately they were less than responsive. I tried again awhile later, and even tried looking out the door to see if I could find a nurse. Eventually Jane showed up - it was past her shift finish time, but the night staff were evidently off doing goodness knows what. I said "Busy night?" and she replied "Nope!" with a glance down the corridor that told me all I needed to know about what the other staff were (or weren't) doing.
The blood was gushing so badly she had to summon another nurse to help. They got me patched up though and all was well.
I climbed into bed and lay facing my baby. He stared at me. I stared back at him. Eventually I realised I should sleep while I could, so I closed my eyes. Then I opened them again - yep, he was still there. Ok. I went to sleep.
Eli
Hi family,
Photos of the lovely Elijah James Arthur Edwards attached. Born @ 4pm AEST on Wed 30th January 2013. Weight 3.6kg (aka 7 pound 15), length 51cm,
Details for those interested: I went in on Tuesday morning (29th) as scheduled, and had already started to dilate, they gave me one dose of prostagin and kept me in for observation, and I progressed throughout the day. Unfortunately on Tuesday night we ended up in this awkward situation where I wasn't technically in labour far enough to go to the labour ward, but they insisted I stay in the maternity ward, and the in the maternity ward nobody else is allowed to stay overnight. So they kicked Shane out and left me alone. However as you can probably imagine I did not cope well with 5min apart contractions stuck in a hospital room by myself with nobody to talk to!! (We were doing great before he had to leave - he is a good support person!!) Part of the problem was the shift change in the evening, the daytime staff were great but I hated the night midwives and they pretty much thought I was making the whole thing up and treated me like a wuss. They kept telling me "get some rest, we're inducing you in the morning so you need to be well rested!" and I was saying "yes, I get that, but I'm telling you I'm in labour now and I can't sleep." So that bit sucked. Finally at 2am Wednesday I was prowling the corridors and managed to be violently ill in the passageway in between labour & maternity, so had staff running from all directions. The maternity midwife I particularly disliked said to the head labour midwife "She wants to come to you anyway!" so the labour midwife kindly took over suggested I come into a room with her and take a shower, after which she checked and confirmed I was 4cm dilated and put me to bed with some painkillers. She was a very nice midwife. At 5:40am my waters broke, and then they checked I was 5cm, they called Shane but by then I was still so exhausted and stressed from the night before that I couldn't cope, so around 9:30am they gave me an epidural and I had a nice, pain-free nap until 1pm. It was so nice in fact that when the midwife attending me finished her shift at 1pm I said to her "thank you so much for your help, it's been a lovely day".... in retrospect those must have been some good drugs. Just after 1pm they confirmed I was at 10cm, and then they switched the epidural off and waited until I got all my pains back before the fun part which took around 90 minutes and was not in fact very fun at all.
Eli came out very coneheaded, but he seems to have gone back to a more normal size now. He has Shane's nose, chin, ears and I think possibly going to have his eyes. He also seems to have his personality, he's cool as a cucumber. The midwives said "Calm mother calm baby" but I personally think it might be the other way around - I'm chilled out because he is! Yesterday afternoon they transferred us back to maternity, and my favourite midwife Jane was back on which was great. The night staff were rubbish again but as I didn't need them for anything it didn't matter. I kept thinking something stressful would happen but it all went great. He's feeding well. I got up this morning and changed him, fed him, then had a shower and breakfast while he happily lay in the bassinet watching me! Shane had a nice sleep-in today and came to get us at lunchtime.
We are now at home, discharged around 1pm. It's still the honeymoon period but I'd rather get home and organised now while things are going well and while he's still so chilled out, long may it last! So they did all the newborn baby checks and my physio checks etc this morning and sent us on our way. Midwives will visit the next couple of days and then again if we need them. So far the big challenge is keeping him cool on this delightful 30 degree afternoon.... but that would be a challenge regardless of when we came home!
Anyway, hope to see you all soon so you can meet the little guy!
Love from
Natalie & Shane & Eli
Photos of the lovely Elijah James Arthur Edwards attached. Born @ 4pm AEST on Wed 30th January 2013. Weight 3.6kg (aka 7 pound 15), length 51cm,
Details for those interested: I went in on Tuesday morning (29th) as scheduled, and had already started to dilate, they gave me one dose of prostagin and kept me in for observation, and I progressed throughout the day. Unfortunately on Tuesday night we ended up in this awkward situation where I wasn't technically in labour far enough to go to the labour ward, but they insisted I stay in the maternity ward, and the in the maternity ward nobody else is allowed to stay overnight. So they kicked Shane out and left me alone. However as you can probably imagine I did not cope well with 5min apart contractions stuck in a hospital room by myself with nobody to talk to!! (We were doing great before he had to leave - he is a good support person!!) Part of the problem was the shift change in the evening, the daytime staff were great but I hated the night midwives and they pretty much thought I was making the whole thing up and treated me like a wuss. They kept telling me "get some rest, we're inducing you in the morning so you need to be well rested!" and I was saying "yes, I get that, but I'm telling you I'm in labour now and I can't sleep." So that bit sucked. Finally at 2am Wednesday I was prowling the corridors and managed to be violently ill in the passageway in between labour & maternity, so had staff running from all directions. The maternity midwife I particularly disliked said to the head labour midwife "She wants to come to you anyway!" so the labour midwife kindly took over suggested I come into a room with her and take a shower, after which she checked and confirmed I was 4cm dilated and put me to bed with some painkillers. She was a very nice midwife. At 5:40am my waters broke, and then they checked I was 5cm, they called Shane but by then I was still so exhausted and stressed from the night before that I couldn't cope, so around 9:30am they gave me an epidural and I had a nice, pain-free nap until 1pm. It was so nice in fact that when the midwife attending me finished her shift at 1pm I said to her "thank you so much for your help, it's been a lovely day".... in retrospect those must have been some good drugs. Just after 1pm they confirmed I was at 10cm, and then they switched the epidural off and waited until I got all my pains back before the fun part which took around 90 minutes and was not in fact very fun at all.
Eli came out very coneheaded, but he seems to have gone back to a more normal size now. He has Shane's nose, chin, ears and I think possibly going to have his eyes. He also seems to have his personality, he's cool as a cucumber. The midwives said "Calm mother calm baby" but I personally think it might be the other way around - I'm chilled out because he is! Yesterday afternoon they transferred us back to maternity, and my favourite midwife Jane was back on which was great. The night staff were rubbish again but as I didn't need them for anything it didn't matter. I kept thinking something stressful would happen but it all went great. He's feeding well. I got up this morning and changed him, fed him, then had a shower and breakfast while he happily lay in the bassinet watching me! Shane had a nice sleep-in today and came to get us at lunchtime.
We are now at home, discharged around 1pm. It's still the honeymoon period but I'd rather get home and organised now while things are going well and while he's still so chilled out, long may it last! So they did all the newborn baby checks and my physio checks etc this morning and sent us on our way. Midwives will visit the next couple of days and then again if we need them. So far the big challenge is keeping him cool on this delightful 30 degree afternoon.... but that would be a challenge regardless of when we came home!
Anyway, hope to see you all soon so you can meet the little guy!
Love from
Natalie & Shane & Eli
First Night at Home 31/01/13
When we got Eli home it was exactly as I imagined - we took photos coming in the door, then placed him in his carrier on the floor where we could take photos and adore him. The cats were wary. Donnie had a good sniff and seemed satisfied. Nibbler came up, sniffed, then walked away backwards very very slowly. It was clear they wouldn't be friends quickly. We tried lying Eli on the playmat but he seemed distressed, so we tried the bouncer instead. After awhile he looked a little red and we realised he seemed to be overheating. Shane grabbed a cold wet cloth and we dabbed him with it until he cooled. It was very anxiety inducing. But then he was fine again. We spent the afternoon editing photos and emailing to family, uploading to facebook. In the early evening Shane went to the shops to buy a thermometer. I sat in my chair feeding my tiny baby. A knock on the door. I froze - what to do? I looked at the little baby in my arms and decided to ignore it. However, a minute later another knock. I carefully slipped my singlet back over my breast and grabbed a muslin to throw around me. It was the neighbours (and landlady!) - Maria, Ted and their young son. I invited them in, and they each had a cuddle with Eli. They had given us some lovely gifts - cloth nappies, a gorgeous blue jacket. We visited for awhile but they were gone before Shane came home. Eventually it was time for bed, and Eli was settled happily in his moses basket. I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. I couldn't bear to lie down and sleep, not being able to see my baby. "It's ok" Shane said, "I'll be awake for awhile". But then he put in his head phones and turned on his mp3 player. I cried again. "You won't be able to hear him if he makes a noise!" He sighed, and switched it off. I settled down to rest.
Labour Day
My due date was 23rd January, and at my antenatal appointment the midwife scheduled an induction for the 29th assuming I didn't have the baby before then. Despite being generally adverse to medical intervention, I agreed. I was just so happy to have a definite end date, a resolution to all of the waiting. I went into hospital at 7:30am on Tuesday 29th January 2013. I was stressed - we were running 5 minutes late. As absurd as it sounds, running late stresses me out. I was upset that Shane had let that happen. They saw us into a room where we waited. Eventually I was hooked up to a monitor for Miwdife Diane to check baby's heartbeat. Then they conducted an internal examination and confirmed I was 1cm dilated. They applied a dose of Prostaglandin gel to encourage things along, and from then I was offically admitted to hospital and assigned a room in the maternity ward. We hung out for awhile and watched some tv on my laptop, then went downstairs to have a coffee and snack. Upon our return to my room Midwife Jane hooked me up to a monitor to check my progress and Eli's heartrate. All going well. "Do you want to have this baby tonight or tomorrow?" she asked me. "As soon as he wants to come!" I replied. "In that case, let's get you expressing!" She got me started and At 2pm Diane came to take me back to the labour ward to check on progress. I'd progressed nicely so they decided no need to dose me again, and back to the maternity ward I went. Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication between the staff that wasn't apparently until later in the evening. The staff on maternity thought I'd been given more prostaglandin and that the pains I was having were "fake pains", when in fact I had not been given anymore and my labour was simply progressing. They made Shane go home when visiting hours ended - they did let him stay an extra 30minutes, but then decided he had to go. Which sucked. When he was there I was fine, he would help me stand during contractions which made the pain ok, but then I'd lie down in between and rest. Once he was gone, the midwifes/nurses kept trying to make me stay in bed "and rest". Because what every labouring woman wants is to lie alone, in the dark, in a strange place, scared and frightened and in pain? As much as I loved the day staff, I loathed the night staff. One midwife in particular was a very unpleasant lady who seemed inclined to think I was a pathetic wuss. It took me timing my contractions (hard when in pain) to convince her to check me again, at which point she finally agreed yes I was kind of progressing. She then allowed me to walk the corridors rather than being confined to bed. How gracious.
I got as far as the staffroom door, where I had a violent, lengthy contraction that resulted in me vomiting all over the floor. Staff came running. The labour ward midwife was basically "WTF?" and the labour ward b*tch was all "Well she wants to come over to you anyway!" so the labour ward midwife said "Sure no problem" and let me go to the labour ward and have a nice shower. It was heavenly. I would happily have stayed under the water except that being alone I was concerned about slipping or passing out, so eventually I got out. The nice midwife gave me some morphine and put me to bed, it now being the wee early hours of the morning. She suggested we wait until later to call Shane as at that point we may as well let him sleep longer. I reluctantly agreed that was best. And I got a teeny bit of sleep in between the pain which was great!
At 6am approximately I felt a loud pop and my waters broke. I was so proud! Hehehe. Then they called Shane. They did a check and unfortunately I was still not very far along. At that point I made a strategic decision. I had had only a couple of hours of sleep, after 24 hours in hospital. My concern was labouring all day, but being too tired to push. So I asked for an epidural. The funniest part of that was at this particular time my contractions weren't particularly painful and were manageable. It was definitely part of a long-game. It meant I slept for 6 hours (bliss!) got my rest. Poor Shane hadn't bothered to bring his PSP or any other entertainment as he'd assumed it would be a long day with me, instead he spent the day chilling on the couch while I slept. I was in bliss. They then switched off the epi, waited for it to wear off, and then let me start pushing. So I still got to "enjoy" the full birthing experience. Lucky me! They did realise that they had possibly turned it off too soon as I had full feeling but oh well..... I didn't mind the pain of pushing or the baby coming out, but the back pain was agonising and excruciating. Sadly whenever I tried to move positions they lost the baby's heartbeat on the monitor, so I was stuck on my back in full 1950s style out of control labour position, like some chump with no control. There I was, attached to drips and all sorts of rubbish. But I did push that baby out, and it was awesome.
So definitely decisions made that I had not anticipated, but made for a reason to respond to specific circumstances that I found myself in.
I got as far as the staffroom door, where I had a violent, lengthy contraction that resulted in me vomiting all over the floor. Staff came running. The labour ward midwife was basically "WTF?" and the labour ward b*tch was all "Well she wants to come over to you anyway!" so the labour ward midwife said "Sure no problem" and let me go to the labour ward and have a nice shower. It was heavenly. I would happily have stayed under the water except that being alone I was concerned about slipping or passing out, so eventually I got out. The nice midwife gave me some morphine and put me to bed, it now being the wee early hours of the morning. She suggested we wait until later to call Shane as at that point we may as well let him sleep longer. I reluctantly agreed that was best. And I got a teeny bit of sleep in between the pain which was great!
At 6am approximately I felt a loud pop and my waters broke. I was so proud! Hehehe. Then they called Shane. They did a check and unfortunately I was still not very far along. At that point I made a strategic decision. I had had only a couple of hours of sleep, after 24 hours in hospital. My concern was labouring all day, but being too tired to push. So I asked for an epidural. The funniest part of that was at this particular time my contractions weren't particularly painful and were manageable. It was definitely part of a long-game. It meant I slept for 6 hours (bliss!) got my rest. Poor Shane hadn't bothered to bring his PSP or any other entertainment as he'd assumed it would be a long day with me, instead he spent the day chilling on the couch while I slept. I was in bliss. They then switched off the epi, waited for it to wear off, and then let me start pushing. So I still got to "enjoy" the full birthing experience. Lucky me! They did realise that they had possibly turned it off too soon as I had full feeling but oh well..... I didn't mind the pain of pushing or the baby coming out, but the back pain was agonising and excruciating. Sadly whenever I tried to move positions they lost the baby's heartbeat on the monitor, so I was stuck on my back in full 1950s style out of control labour position, like some chump with no control. There I was, attached to drips and all sorts of rubbish. But I did push that baby out, and it was awesome.
So definitely decisions made that I had not anticipated, but made for a reason to respond to specific circumstances that I found myself in.
The Story of Us
When we married, Shane and I always knew we'd have children. He said he thought 5 years after we married would be ideal - time to settle down, get finances together, that type of thing. I secretly wouldn't have minded a little bit earlier, but I also knew he was correct and sensible in his logic. As it happened, my various health concerns, followed by our relocation overseas, would have made it unpractical in any case.
When we finally did fall pregnant, it was after several years of work to resolve my health problems. At which point we decided to just see what would happen. We weren't in any rush, but didn't want to tempt fate by waiting too long. Just to be on the safe side, after a few months we consulted a fertility specialist just to get things underway. He ran some tests and SURPRISE - I was already pregnant! That baby wasn't Eli, that baby was Jaxon who passed away from foetal heart failure at 15 weeks gestation. We were so sad, but in a way that experience meant we knew for sure how much we wanted a baby. We were ready.
When I found out I was pregnant with Eli I was a basket case. I took a pregnancy test which was positive, but didn't tell Shane. I told him there was a "chance" I might be pregnant, but I didn't want to jinx anything. This song and dance continued for days until he finally insisted on me taking a test. What followed was a crazy period of uncertainty - I was adamant that we shouldn't get our hopes up, it might not last. On the other hand, I'd then get irrationally upset with Shane for not acting happy, when he was simply mirroring my own reaction.
But Eli did last. One scan. Two scans. Every medical appointment where I'd hear his tiny heartbeat I was filled with joy. That would last a week, after which I would start to despair again - was everything ok in there? How could I be sure?
Third scan at 20 weeks. "There's his little penis" said the ultrasound technician. We looked at each other and smiled.
On the way home Shane commented "Well that's good news!"
"What's good news?" I said innocently, knowing full well what he meant.
"It's a boy!" he said.
"And why is that such good news?"
"Because I couldn't handle two Natalie's!"
Of course, after a few weeks we started to question the results of that scan, and weren't confident until our fourth scan that the technician was correct.
Finally in the later stages I became more excited. This was real. This baby was really coming. Our lives would never be the same.
When we finally did fall pregnant, it was after several years of work to resolve my health problems. At which point we decided to just see what would happen. We weren't in any rush, but didn't want to tempt fate by waiting too long. Just to be on the safe side, after a few months we consulted a fertility specialist just to get things underway. He ran some tests and SURPRISE - I was already pregnant! That baby wasn't Eli, that baby was Jaxon who passed away from foetal heart failure at 15 weeks gestation. We were so sad, but in a way that experience meant we knew for sure how much we wanted a baby. We were ready.
When I found out I was pregnant with Eli I was a basket case. I took a pregnancy test which was positive, but didn't tell Shane. I told him there was a "chance" I might be pregnant, but I didn't want to jinx anything. This song and dance continued for days until he finally insisted on me taking a test. What followed was a crazy period of uncertainty - I was adamant that we shouldn't get our hopes up, it might not last. On the other hand, I'd then get irrationally upset with Shane for not acting happy, when he was simply mirroring my own reaction.
But Eli did last. One scan. Two scans. Every medical appointment where I'd hear his tiny heartbeat I was filled with joy. That would last a week, after which I would start to despair again - was everything ok in there? How could I be sure?
Third scan at 20 weeks. "There's his little penis" said the ultrasound technician. We looked at each other and smiled.
On the way home Shane commented "Well that's good news!"
"What's good news?" I said innocently, knowing full well what he meant.
"It's a boy!" he said.
"And why is that such good news?"
"Because I couldn't handle two Natalie's!"
Of course, after a few weeks we started to question the results of that scan, and weren't confident until our fourth scan that the technician was correct.
Finally in the later stages I became more excited. This was real. This baby was really coming. Our lives would never be the same.
The Story of the Story of Eli
Today is 3rd February, 2013, and it is Little Eli's 4th full day in our lives. Eli's birth has made me more conscious than ever of my own mortality. For somebody who was acutely aware of this from a young age, this is a daunting prospect. I look at the small child lying in his bouncer, and the circle of life is clear. He will grow up. I will grow old. One day we will all be gone from this earth. And what will be left? Nobody knows. All I know is I want to live my life with joy and fulfillment. And so begins the Story of Eli.
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